RSVP comes from the French répondez s'il vous plaît: “please reply”. It's the part of the invitation that asks each guest to say whether they're coming. It looks like the simplest part of the wedding and it's the one that eats up the most time, because replies arrive late, incomplete and from all over the place. You fix it by deciding three things before you send the first invitation.
1. The deadline
Start at the end: ask your caterer or restaurant when they need the final number of guests. Your deadline has to be well before that, so you have time to chase the stragglers and do the seating plan afterwards. Put it on the invitation as an actual date (“by 10 May”), not “as soon as you can”.
2. What you'll ask
Only what you'll actually use. The usual questions are:
- Whether they're coming or not.
- Whether they're bringing a plus-one, and their name (if you've offered one).
- Whether they're bringing children, and whether they need a children's menu or a high chair.
- Allergies, intolerances or dietary needs (vegetarian, gluten-free…).
- Whether they'll take the coach, if there is one, and which journeys.
Every extra question is a reason to leave it “for later”. If you want to know the one song they can't do without, make it an optional question at the end.
3. Where people reply
In one place. If some reply on WhatsApp, others tell your mum and others give you a ring, someone has to copy it all into the list, and that's where replies get lost. The easiest option for your guests and for you is a link where each person answers their own questions and the reply is recorded automatically.
What to do about guests who don't reply
- A week before the deadline, a friendly reminder to anyone who hasn't replied.
- Once the date has passed, a personal message, or a call to the usual suspects.
- If someone still hasn't replied a few days before you give the final number, you decide: either they count as not coming or you confirm by phone. What can't happen is the caterer being kept waiting.
You'll need to know at all times who still hasn't replied; that way, the reminder only goes to the people who need it.
Once they're all in
With the replies closed, send the caterer the number of adults, children and babies, the allergies and the special menus. Then it's time for the seating plan.